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Gravel, Gravel, on the Road, Am I A Good Runner after All?

The Imposter Syndrome

Picture this. 
Imposter Syndrome Diagram
Source: gailgazelle.com

You have a very important task you need to start working on ASAP, so you give yourself two extreme ways to go about doing it: 

Option 1: You don't invest the amount of time and effort required to successfully pull off said project. 

Option 2: You sacrifice your sleep, sanity, friendships, relationships, as well as your physical and mental wellbeing to ace said project.

Logic says you should feel pretty satisfied if you somehow found yourself nodding your head along while reading scenario 2. And it's great if that works for you. For many people though, both scenario 1 AND 2 result in the absolute same outcome: The Imposter Syndrome – when your insecurities are through the roof whether you've decided to invest 20min or 20hours of your time. 

Running for the First Time

Common thoughts of someone suffering from Imposter Syndrome
Source: hunterheadline.com
Academics and social psychologists each have a unique and rather advanced way of defining Imposter Syndrome, but, the overly-simplified (and crude?) description would sound something like this: You feel like a shitbag. You are stubbornly convinced that what you've done or achieved isn't good enough and that others can do much much much better than you. 

I've personally struggled with this syndrome my entire life so I wasn't surprised when I noticed it resurfaced  again the moment I decided on becoming a runner. 
I felt like as a busy mom with very active kids, I was tired enough with plenty of other 'activities' I had to complete at home first. I was certainly fitness-crazy, but my new obsession also required that I receive a lot of 'emotional help' from my family in order to feel confident enough to start running again. So, I realized that constantly reminding myself that I was new at this was only going to fuel my feelings of being a novice intruder amidst individuals I believed to be athletes and professionals. What I really needed to do then was to teach myself, step by baby step, how to ease into running. 

How to Get into Running

Some of my numbers
Point zero in any journey often begins with a model or guide you can imitate or follow. And that's exactly what I did. I spent my evenings trying to find articles on how to start running so I could begin to understand some pretty trivial running basics. 

While many of the essays I read offered valuable running tips as well as numerous lists regarding some of the best locations in Lebanon for anyone contemplating going for a run, what I was personally looking for transcended nutrition goals, tips on running for beginners, or even favorite routes or parks. I didn't want to be just another seasonal runner who went on great runs when the weather allowed it, or when she felt in the right state of mind to explore new places. 

That's not to say that I wanted to be part of an elite group of very well fit runners who race either. I wanted to begin a long irreversible commitment to running but in order for me to be able to do so, it wasn't enough to focus on training my body: I needed to train my mind too. 

I had to prove to (no one but) myself that I certainly was working hard enough, and that my efforts were valid too. I began browsing a couple of mobile apps and then found Nike Run Club. The user interface seemed pretty straightforward and friendly, so, after a long break from the fitness scene, I finally signed myself up and became a member. Being back at it again certainly felt great but what really helped me stop being my own bully were the numbers I'd see on my phone each time I completed a run using NRC. It documented everything from my average pace to my run duration, calories burnt, and even cadence. 

The Results

Personal Records & Run Level
Numbers are about as objective as you can get when trying to assess some statistics. If they improve, then it must be a clear indication that your dedication is paying off. (Even if your brain desperately wants to convince you otherwise). And on the off chance that they don't improve, it can simply mean that you need to revise your current strategy. 

Are you also just starting out on your running journey and feeling like a shitbag runner despite your obvious persistent efforts, consistency, and/or progress? That's fine. You can continue lying to yourself if you like, but first, I would highly recommend you invest in a specialized running app that would help you track and analyze your runs for you. 

After all, humans can lie. Your own brain can lie to you too. 

But tracking software requires number-based data. 

And numbers never lie✌

Comments

  1. ZinJuly 10, 2020 at 10:22 PM

    I love your determination, writing style, and commitment to your health and your family! I am truly impressed. Best of luck 😘

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jessy BissalJuly 11, 2020 at 3:14 PM

      Thank you so much for your kind words! I hope, if anything, that my words are infectious (first and foremost!) and that you've just caught a severe case of running fever (:

      Delete

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